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The Do Over!


Recently I had one of those experiences ~ perhaps you’re familiar it ~ the “I’d love to go back and do that over again and actually access the part of my brain that knows NVC!” experience.

Here’s the scene - I’m in the supermarket looking for Ginger Tea, just plain Ginger Tea and I’m not finding it. A clerk is restocking the shelves so I ask about plain Ginger Tea………..she offers several possibilities………Green Tea Ginger, Lemon Ginger, Chamomile Ginger. Each time I repeat that I’m searching for plain Ginger Tea!

The 3rd time I decline her offer, she says “well you can either stop being rude or look for it yourself!”……..I’m astonished and confused and what comes out of my mouth is “did you think I was being rude?”

She’s silent! The kind of “cut the air with a knife” silence my jackals are saying. I’m now triggered as well and an old program kicks in........I walk away!

It’s now 2 days later and I’m ready to consider how I might have done it differently……………..

So, what was going on with me? I was fatigued and wanting ease (in replenishing my Ginger Tea supply!)

What might have been going on with her? Maybe she’s frustrated, perhaps tired, not finding it as easy to contribute as she might have enjoyed…………just imagining that she wanted to contribute softens my heart! It is the softening in my heart that can guide what I could have said.

Suppose in the moment when she said “well you can either stop being rude or look for it yourself!” I could have taken a deep breath, accessed my resourcefulness and responded (rather than reacted).

Perhaps then what would come out of my mouth might have been something as simple as acknowledging her! How differently I would have come away from the interaction and just possibly her day would have gone a little easier as well! 

In addition, just the simple act of imagining how we might have behaved differently in a challenging situation supports the rewiring of our brains so that we're more likely to respond in a more life affirming way in the future. And that, for me, is a very reassuring, inspiring and encouraging thought! 

Anne Walton, CNVC Certified Trainer


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