SEX AND NVC
Anne Walton and Rodger Sorrow
As children, many of us grew up in homes where no one in the family ever talked about sex. As a result we decided it must be wrong or bad; so bad that you couldn’t even mention it. If someone else started to talk about sex, feelings of excitement and curiosity would arise only to be quickly overridden by discomfort, embarrassment, guilt and shame.
Rodger: Talking about sex or expressing curiosity was not OK. I didn’t want to get caught because I had been punished before. I was 10 years old and had drawn a stick figure with two circle for breasts and shared it with another boy in the classroom. We both laughed and that got us caught. I was slapped and shamed by the teacher and later by my parents. It was not OK to talk about sex and it was not OK to talk about it being not OK. I learn to be more careful.
Anne: I was so curious about sex that, when I was about 10, I would secretly look up “sex” words in the dictionary. Imagine my frustration when I’d look up “vagina” and the word “labia” would be in the definition, so I’d look up the word “labia” and “vagina” would occur in the definition! Sadly, there was no one in my life I felt comfortable enough to ask.
Many of us in this society have wounding around our sexuality, either as a result of directly received life alienating messages about sex or because we made them up in the absence of hearing anything about sex! Either way, the resulting disconnection from our own life energy has led to pain and anguish for many of us.
Sex is an amazing, beautiful, passionate, precious and sacred part of life. Being able to talk about sex with ease; be fully present when others talk about sex, to be in full self expression of our own sexuality is an innate yearning within us. NVC can support us in healing these old wounds and living life more fully. NVC can support us in communicating our needs and making requests about sex; whether it be for information about what pleases our partner or what would make life more wonderful for us. Sex is an amazing super satisfier that can meet many different needs for different people at different times. NVC can empower an extraordinary conversation that leads to a deepening of intimacy, love and profound connection before, during and after sex.
Anne and Rodger: We are offering workshops that contribute to healing the wounds of the past and learning communication skills to express who we really are in the present. We create a safe place to be open and real with laughter, humor, presence and compassion. For more information about our trainings visit ChooseConnection.com